Day 53 Boundaries

There are many barking dogs in life. These dogs are often the ones whose owners have not learnt how to train them. Instead of training them in good habits, the dog gets little or no guidance. It barks when it wants to and because no one tells it not to. These dogs are often out of control and become far more difficult to train as they get older than if they had been taught properly whilst young. Is it the dog’s fault that they bark or the owners? It is the owners. If no one prepares us for life and for what is a good or poor performance we become like a runaway train. We have no brakes. For all the time we have the track to ourselves that is OK, but when we meet another, we have not learnt how to slow down and respect the signals on the railroad. Many had poor training as a child. Their carers didn’t give them boundaries and limits. When one has poor boundaries, we allow others to come into our safe places and many times we break into what should be the safe places of others. Each home has boundaries and limits. We know where our property begins and ends and where our neighbour’s properties boundaries are too. On the whole we respect these. We don’t try and enter forcibly into their homes and know that we should only go inside when we are invited to do so. In the same way, we can choose who to open our door to and who to invite inside. Those with poor boundaries are like those who trample on anothers garden or set up home in another’s house and leave their rubbish lying around. We wouldn’t do it to others in our street, so why do we do it with the words and actions we display. Some of us let anyone into the home of our heart and let them speak unkindly or unfairly or uncharitably to us. We have not been told that we do not have to condone the bad behaviour of others in the home of our heart. We believe we must just put up with others actions and to stand up for ourselves is wrong. We act like victims of life, like tennis balls that can be hit around by the tennis rackets of others. In fact, we too are a tennis racket and not a victim. When balls come at us, we can choose where to hit them and how to return them. Many victims don’t realise that they have the right to stand up for themselves and to take shots themselves. They need to learn about the boundaries and tram lines on the tennis courts of life, the places that are acceptable to return the ball to and those that are unacceptable, for they go beyond the acceptable tram lines. It is never too late to learn to play tennis. It is so much harder if no one has taught you to respect the tram lines of yourself and others. But boundaries are there for a reason. They are there to protect. They are to give space and privilege to yourself and others. They are to keep out and away bad behaviour. When you hear dogs barking continuously, let it be a reminder to you of the importance of early training so that the dog won’t by hated by its neighbours over something it’s owner should have trained him in. Check your boundaries. Are you going over the line into areas you shouldn’t be or are you allowing others to trample on your lawn and flower beds?

How good are you at setting your boundaries and policing them?

How good are you at respecting the boundaries of others?

In what ways do you act like a victim?

What actions do you need to set in order to improve your behaviours around setting and respecting boundaries?